A week and a half ago, my husband had to work in the middle of the night and I had a small victory in that I wasn’t immediately jolted with fear at the thought of being alone. The night was positive overall, but I still couldn’t sleep. I watched movies and browsed the web until 5:30, when I finally fell asleep on the couch.
Well, here we are again and he has to leave the house while I’m sleeping. I have no idea how it will go. I’m planning to go to bed around 10pm, and I’m just hoping I sleep for at least a few hours. I WILL have to get up to pee at some point (last night it was at 12:15 and 4am) because of my head-down baby pushing on my bladder (!) but it would be lovely if it was later rather than sooner, because as I soon as I wake up, I’m going to be up.
I feel good emotionally. I don’t feel afraid of him leaving, though I would definitely still prefer that he be home, so that’s certainly progress! Eventually I want to be able to stay in bed and fall back to sleep, but I think it’s probably not likely to happen until I am smothered in newborn cuddles, staying up all hours of the night with baby Elizabeth! THEN I will need, more than anything, to sleep. Haha
Tomorrow, I will come back to update this post about how the night went. Blogging is truly helping me and I am so thankful.
♦ ♦ ♦
Last night had it’s pros and cons…more cons than pros, I think, but that’s okay – I’m learning! First con of the night was that I could not even fall asleep while Stephen was home. This really bummed me out. I tried from 10:30 until 12:00 but was completely unsuccessful. And what was keeping me up? Basically, unrelated thoughts…my mind was running on anything and everything. They weren’t even anxious thoughts! I was thinking about what I might purchase on Etsy, what sewing projects I’m currently working on, how I think my labor and delivery are going to go…you name it! :P So, I got up at 12:20 and Stephen was equally bummed to see that he was the cause of my not being able to sleep. I hated that but I also wanted to say goodbye. The actual sitting up part wasn’t stressful; I didn’t experience any anxiety or fear (success!) but I was completely spent. Oh my word. So tired. I watched Seventh Heaven, browsed Etsy, and spent some time planning future blog posts. I was at the end of my sleepy rope by 2am but Elizabeth was SO active that I couldn’t even think about falling asleep! It was crazy – she was kicking and pushing (owwie on the cervix!) so much that I honestly sat there wondering how long the amniotic sac could take it and would she literally break my water! Yeah, wow. And so, I fell asleep at 3:30. Again, like I said, it was okay – not terrible – but not fun either.