From Three to Four

In the beginning, motherhood was a snap (little Maggie was an easy baby) and I couldn’t wait to do it again. I had a miscarriage when she was two but then I got pregnant with a healthy baby several months later. Going from one child to two was a breeze with three years eight months between them. I loved having a baby and a preschooler! She helped me with him, she played well independently, we went on play dates with other moms and little ones. I enjoyed that time so much.

Another miscarriage and many years went by. When my kids were twelve and nearly eight, I had another baby. I found it to be more challenging because we were homeschooling and I struggled to balance everything. I had lingering baby blues for awhile, not sure how to cope with the new demands of teaching with a baby in the house. But about twelve months later, I was ready to try for another one.

Well, try as we might, we couldn’t conceive our fourth child for a long time. A few months shy of five years later, I finally gave birth (or, delivered via cesarean) our next little one. Her name is Elizabeth and if you’ve been around my blog for any length of time, you’ve heard of her already. ^_^ She is three months old now; part of me feels like she’s been here forever while another part has definitely not adjusted yet, lol.

It’s a beautiful thing to have such large age gaps between kids but there are challenges as well. I don’t know what I thought I was going to do in regards to teaching and housework, nevermind leisure activities once another baby came! It has been frustrating and made me feel so out of my element because my perfectionistic tendencies haven’t allowed me to just relax and go with the flow. If something isn’t working, I get stressed out instead of just stepping back and reevaluating things (which is what I would advise someone else to do!) I feel like I’m failing if I don’t have all my ducks in a row. And when you have four ducklings, it gets challenging! haha I’m working on being more organized and also setting boundaries for myself (like only blogging in the early morning, only sewing on the weekend, etc.) so that I can focus on priorities during the school/work day.

A new and unusual occurrence since having my fourth child…I repeatedly feel like someone is missing. Like one of the kids isn’t accounted for. It’s the strangest thing. It happens a lot when we’re out, but even at home I’ll suddenly feel this anxious feeling that I’ve lost one of them! And so I do a mental head count of them, but even that doesn’t always help. I have to then think of each of my kids in order of their age and physically look at them or think about where they are (if they’re in the other room or whatever). It sounds like something a new mom would dream but I’m actually experiencing this while fully conscious! Man, it makes me feel a little bit crazy! And it makes me wonder if having a fifth child at some point is really a good idea…haha


How did you respond to having a second, third, or fourth baby?

5 thoughts on “From Three to Four

  1. Having a second and final child was easy for me. No big problems and the delivery went smooth. What I did not know was I had the good baby first and the last one cried for 2 years! Maybe that is why we didn’t have anymore !

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    1. LOL Yeah, that happens to a lot of mothers! My mom thought she was just a really great caregiver with my older sister (who slept like a dream, ate anything she was offered, hardly cried…) and then I came along, haha.

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  2. You sound so much like me, I’m a perfectionist and it causes me to drive myself crazy. Sometimes we are our own worst enemy. And far as the missing kid, I’ve experienced that before!! I totally thought I was alone on that! It’s the craziest feeling ever! 3 months ago I had my 5th baby. It’s been wonderful. You automatically feel like they are ment to be there and you wish they were around sooner. 😄

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