My husband can’t carry our seven month old baby around when she’s fussy. He can’t give her or our five year old a bath. He can’t babysit without at least one of our teenagers home to help. He can’t lift the baby’s carseat in or out of the van. He can’t run, bend, or even walk fast, so sports and physical activities with the kids (or me) are out. He can’t walk for long so we have to bring or rent a wheelchair when we go places like zoos and museums. He is in pain much of the time, in varying degrees.
He is physically disabled. And it is hard on both of us.
He was injured a few years ago and his back has never fully healed; there was a compression fracture in one of his vertebrae and the physical therapy he had for five months only helped to a point. He also has a steel hip, which is the result of seven major hip operations in his pre-teens and teens after experiencing a slipped epiphysis in both hips, with only one healing properly. His hip, more than likely, needs another surgery but we can’t afford it right now.
Let me try to express how hard it has been to accept having a husband who can no longer help. I have been mad and resentful, felt pity and compassion, lost hope and then regained it again, showed irritation and then love. It is HARD to do all of the physical stuff yourself. It’s even harder when you compare your husband with others’ husbands who can do all of the physical stuff, and when you carry the guilt that your kids are missing out on having “that kind” of dad.
But the thing is, he is the best in other ways. He loves us all to pieces, just adores us. He’ll do anything for us – and DOES! He works six days a week even though, as I previously mentioned, he is in pain. We both feel that I am supposed to remain home with the kids during this time in our lives, which means he has to bring home the paycheck. He is supportive and caring. He is so loyal it’s crazy. He is extremely hard-working and his company is absolutely LUCKY to have him! He works in concrete and every month he outshines the other employees on performance and number of workloads! He is a great guy.
It is my desire to start showing true appreciation for what he IS doing, what he CAN and DOES do, instead of feeling frustration and allowing comparison to steal my joy.
I just thought I’d share this. Perhaps writing it will motivate me further to do what’s right. ^_^ How would I feel if I were the injured one?