Marriage, Motherhood

My Husband Can’t Help

My husband can’t carry our seven month old baby around when she’s fussy. He can’t give her or our five year old a bath. He can’t babysit without at least one of our teenagers home to help. He can’t lift the baby’s carseat in or out of the van. He can’t run, bend, or even walk fast, so sports and physical activities with the kids (or me) are out. He can’t walk for long so we have to bring or rent a wheelchair when we go places like zoos and museums. He is in pain much of the time, in varying degrees.

He is physically disabled. And it is hard on both of us.

He was injured a few years ago and his back has never fully healed; there was a compression fracture in one of his vertebrae and the physical therapy he had for five months only helped to a point. He also has a steel hip, which is the result of seven major hip operations in his pre-teens and teens after experiencing a slipped epiphysis in both hips, with only one healing properly. His hip, more than likely, needs another surgery but we can’t afford it right now.

Let me try to express how hard it has been to accept having a husband who can no longer help. I have been mad and resentful, felt pity and compassion, lost hope and then regained it again, showed irritation and then love. It is HARD to do all of the physical stuff yourself. It’s even harder when you compare your husband with others’ husbands who can do all of the physical stuff, and when you carry the guilt that your kids are missing out on having “that kind” of dad.

But the thing is, he is the best in other ways. He loves us all to pieces, just adores us. He’ll do anything for us – and DOES! He works six days a week even though, as I previously mentioned, he is in pain. We both feel that I am supposed to remain home with the kids during this time in our lives, which means he has to bring home the paycheck. He is supportive and caring. He is so loyal it’s crazy. He is extremely hard-working and his company is absolutely LUCKY to have him! He works in concrete and every month he outshines the other employees on performance and number of workloads! He is a great guy.

It is my desire to start showing true appreciation for what he IS doing, what he CAN and DOES do, instead of feeling frustration and allowing comparison to steal my joy.

I just thought I’d share this. Perhaps writing it will motivate me further to do what’s right. ^_^ How would I feel if I were the injured one?

19 thoughts on “My Husband Can’t Help”

  1. I think that what’s important, and you seem to be doing it very well, is to acknowledge those feelings. It is possible to have a fleeting moment of irritability, anger, resentfulness, etc. while still being able to have a visceral love and appreciation for (in this case) your husband. It definitely can’t be easy and it certainly is harder because of the availability of the internet which allows us glimpses into other people’s lives and more opportunities to compare.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, fleeting is the word!
      You know, comparison actually happens much more for me in real life than online because I SEE dads and husbands doing physical things. Also, it’s rare that blogging moms actually talk about their husbands, for some reason! :P


  2. What a wonderful man! Some of us are given big things to deal with in life, but my mom has always said God never gives us more than we can handle. I can’t imagine the emotions you’ve gone through during this journey with him (and his emotions as well!), but all of them are natural and justified. It sounds like your love carries you through this, and you are making things work. I know we all can’t help but compare ourselves and our lives to others, but we make our lives the best for us that it can be, and it sounds like you have. I hope that his pain can be alleviated somehow…..

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Dear Valerie, I had no idea you were going through this. It makes me sad that you have to carry such a heavy burden because your husband is unable to help. It must be really hard on you, and can imagine how overwhelmed you must feel sometimes. My grandmother (actually my boyfriend’s grandmother ) always says that if one of the two people in a couple is sick, the other is sick too. If one is unwell, they both are. I imagine it’s also really hard on your husband because he must feel bad that he can help you more. I’m sorry I cannot help you, if we were neighbors or lived close I would. But you’re a strong woman and you will be fine. If it was the other way around he would do the same for you. If you ever need to talk or just vent, I’m here for you. Sometimes strangers are the best friends. xo

    Liked by 1 person

    1. “If one is unwell, they both are.” – this is absolutely true. It’s tough but my husband and I do know we have each other and we talk about these things fairly regularly. And, yes, he would definitely do the same for me!!
      Aww, thank you so much for the support. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I agree with the others commenting. It’s easy to get bogged down but you said it perfectly when you said about being appreciative and not let the other stuff steal your joy. One of my favorite things to say, don’t let it steal your joy, smiled when I read that in your post. God bless you and your family :)

    Liked by 1 person

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