Thoughts & Happenings 04/05/17

living lighter thoughts

Okay, I have some results finally. I went to the hospital near me this morning and had my hCG levels tested again. One of the midwives called me a little while ago. The levels dropped to 9,000 from 12,000 on Monday. I miscarried. :(

But because it looks incomplete (based on the bit still in my uterus), they have offered to do a D&C. I declined, as I want to wait for things to happen naturally. And so I’ve been “given” a week but then they want me to come in for hCG testing again. While I really don’t want to do another blood test (a bit of a phobia here), I’ve realized that it will help me significantly to see the numbers drop even more. Closure, I suppose.

I am still processing my emotions, but right now I feel melancholy yet relieved, and also peace. I know He’s in control! I didn’t accidentally miscarry.

Thank you for being with me through all of this! 💕

To leave things on a happy note, Elizabeth loves watching the rain. 😊

*Update: Test Results (how it all ended)*

49 thoughts on “Thoughts & Happenings 04/05/17

  1. Oh no! I’m so sorry 😢
    I know advice is a horrible thing to give at this time, but I had an incomplete miscarriage and it took me several weeks to pass everything, but I’m glad I didn’t do the d&c, it does give closure, as awful as it is.
    But I’ll be praying so much for you! ❤💔❤️

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Sorry, that was confusing! I meant letting it happen naturally gives more closure, in my opinion. It’s a horrific process to go through, but with a d&c it’s more “surgical” and just over with…

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m so sorry for such news. Unfortunately “…time and unexpected events overtake [us] all.” (Eccl. 9:11) A sobering thought, but true for almost everyone living on this earth at present. Sounds like you’re coping, and that you’ve come to terms with things. I hope that you will have peace in the days ahead.

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    1. The bizarre way it all came about, with such heavy bleeding, made think from the beginning that it was a miscarriage. But it did still cause me to wonder (and hope a little bit) if we’d have another little one. *sigh* Not the right time yet.

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  3. Oh, Valerie!! I’m so sorry! How are you taking this? I wish I could give you a hug. I was praying for a baby. It’s so sad that you miscarried. I hope your heart will heal soon! xx

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  4. I’m so sorry to hear this Valerie. I hope the natural process doesn’t take too long and you feel well soon. Baby Elizabeth and her love for the rain is truly adorable. 🙂 Let me know if there’s anything I can do for you. ❤️

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  5. I was hoping for a different outcome. :( Even if you were okay either way. My next paragraph might be TMI for some people, so I just want to put that information out there. It’s about loss and d&c.

    I have had a couple of situations that needed intervention. The first one was after my very first loss, so the details are a bit fuzzy. I delivered at 22w5d and I delivered everything at once. I remember having prolonged bleeding afterward, and the doctor discussed doing a d&c because even though they thought I expelled everything they thought something must have been left in my uterus. From what I can remember I think they just prescribed a pill to help “clear things out”. It thankfully worked, and I didn’t have to have another procedure after that trauma. My second experience was after finding out I had a missed miscarriage. We couldn’t find the heartbeat on our home doppler, and when I went for my scheduled cerclage surgery they couldn’t find it by doppler either. They did an ultrasound where they found the baby died about a week earlier. So, they decided a d&c was needed. I didn’t want to have my dead baby inside me. I was a mess. I wanted the procedure right away, but the hospital I was at could not do it since there would be a risk of heavy bleeding involved. I had to wait until the next day to get it done. I have regrets now that I understand the procedure more. I was just shocked about the whole situation, and grieving. I don’t think I would have handled a natural misscarriage on my own at that gestation well at all though. The doctor who was on call to do the d&c was amazing, and is the doctor who has helped me stay pregnant for my last 2 pregnancies. That is my only positive I can take from that situation. :)

    Your attitude through this has been amazing. I know there are so many things people try to say to make you feel better about what has happened, or why it may have happened. Usually those things hurt more than they help. Trusting God is all we can do. :)

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    1. Wow, Tracy, you have been through so much! :( I’m so sorry. (((hugs))) I can’t imagine being farther along and losing a baby, my heart aches at the thought. :'(
      What do you know of the procedure that makes you feel differently about it now? I really hope that my numbers are just teeny, tiny low next week, or even that I have some bleeding between now and then. I don’t think I can emotionally take them dilating and scraping things out. I really don’t.
      Thank you, that last sentence is a blessing!

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      1. This is pretty graphic…

        Because the baby was as big as it was, they basically chop it up. That is just horrifying to me. I want to break down just thinking about it. They sent part of what they removed out to be tested, and when I got the call the person told me that they didn’t find anything definitive wrong, but there were pieces of fetus. Nothing they could test for gender though. I was in complete shock that they would say that to me. I don’t know if they realized they were giving results to the mother of that fetus. If I needed a d&c for the loss I had at 5 weeks, I don’t think it would have upset me do much. I doubt the procedure would do as much damage to a tiny embryo.

        Sorry if my story upsets you at all.

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  6. I just came across your blog (a fellow angel mama friend shared this post on FB), and I’m so sorry for your loss! Thankfully, I’ve never had to face the possibility of a D&C, so I can’t imagine how hard it would be to make that choice. Prayers for your healing and comfort. <3

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  7. So sorry to hear…praying for you. I’m glad you are trusting Him in everything. But what a rollercoaster of a week; I can only imagine…and at least there’s answers now. Give yourself time to process everything and let your body rest and recover. Love the photo of Elizabeth enjoying the rain. :)

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    1. Thank you :) My emotions are all over the place right now (which is normal, I imagine) I think I’m going through the process of acceptance. I want to rely on Him, I don’t want to be upset or try to “get through this” on my own!
      Thank you, Elizabeth always brightens my day. :D Those cheeks, lol!

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      1. Of course…definitely take time to process and I’m glad you are relying on Him and know you don’t have to get through this alone. Glad you have a good perspective… and Elizabeth and your kids to brighten each day. Love the cheeks and pudge on Elizabeth! :)

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    1. Thank you! That’s really what I want, natural.
      Aww, yes, what a lovely thought! Goodness, I’ve just realized I three up there together and four down here with me. I have a lot of kids, lol!
      ((Hugs)), how are you doing? Are you part of any online support thing for recovering from m/c?

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      1. I’m doing well. I’m not part of any sort of support thing, but I have some good friends here who I can talk to. I don’t know how to describe it, except that I feel like I’m back to normal. Of course I grieved while it was happening, and it’s sad when I think about it, but I have to trust that it is part of God’s plan for me.

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  8. Ugh, I’m sorry for you, Valerie. Hugs to you! Will be praying for a comfortable week/weekend for you.
    Thank God for cute little Elizabeth! Such wonder that face holds! It’s amazing what a simple thing we usually take for granted – fascinates babies. I answered “why is it raining?” and “why do the clouds rain?” today quite a few times, as I do every day it rains. I think rain falling must seem miraculous to children.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, Katherine. :)
      I absolutely love the amazement and awe of childhood! Watching babies and young children experience things brings me such joy. :D Yes, rain (and snow!) are pretty awesome, lol. I answered tornado questions this week as we had warnings in our area on Mon and Wed. ;)

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