After the Miscarriage

Even though I have to admit that I felt some significant relief after finding out that I was no longer pregnant (the realization that no, I wouldn’t have morning sickness, fatigue, bladder issues, low platelets, another c-section, etc!), I have also been dealing with a great loss. 😞

Not only do I seem to be truly mourning but the drop in hormones I’m experiencing feels a lot like baby blues, or even depression. I just feel sort of defeated. And sad.

I’m not sure what I need. I don’t want to have to go back to my doctor tomorrow and get more blood work done to check my hCG levels, because it makes me so sad to think about pregnancy. I wasn’t even WANTING to be pregnant again right now, but I’m still sad. When I’m at WalMart and I see the aisle of tests and kits, good grief, the loss I feel is enormous.

It must be the hormones, it’s got to be.

I’m sorry, what a downer of a post.

*Update: Test Results (how it all ended)*

57 thoughts on “After the Miscarriage

  1. Whether it was wanted or planned, a loss is still a loss. The emotions you’re feeling are normal human emotions. Grief doesn’t have any rules, and whether it’s “hormonal” or not, you’re allowed to let yourself grieve. It won’t last forever, and you’ll be fine. But sometimes, we just need to let ourselves feel what we feel. <3 xoxox Yours is a pain I've felt.

    Liked by 5 people

  2. I’m so sorry. You know, I didn’t think miscarriage was so hard last year when it first happened, but then as the due date got closer I began missing out on the baby. Pregnancy wasn’t so hard to miss out on….b/c I hate being pregnant! But since February I have thought about that baby a lot. I so wish we had a third baby right now! (Even though I’m often overwhelmed by how full my hands already are….) It’s hard to know what I really want! You are still in my prayers, every day!

    Liked by 2 people

      1. We’d love a third, but we don’t try or prevent so what happens will happen. We also are pursuing adoption but I’m not sure if it’s going to happen. I’m thinking birth mothers aren’t drawn to choose the family that already has 2 children.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I am so sorry and do not question your feelings or blame them on hormones. I have gone through what you are going through and it is a loss. You have every right to feel any mix of emotions you do. You have every right to think whatever you think. Don’t be sorry. Sending my love your way.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Thank you for sharing how you feel. I have not been in your position so I cannot provide as much support as I would like but I do want to try. I believe that no matter what, your feelings a valid and important. The situation doesn’t mean your feelings are not real or justified. And if you want to talk about them, I’m here to listen and do my best to support and help you. Acknowledging how you feel and taking the time to heal is important, and I think even if the pregnancy wasn’t planned you have every right to grieve what could have been.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Dang those hormones! I bet if you were back to your normal baseline, you’d be able to process and mourn more easily. I’m sorry you’re having a tough time. On the bright side… you have many happy events to celebrate lately, including Easter on Sunday, right? Besides it being truly wonderful day to celebrate our faith, I hope you have some fun family events planned that will brighten your spirits.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Just echoing what others have written here, but: a loss is a loss. It may be the hormones, or it may be something more. I mean, the emotional toll of secondary infertility and repeated miscarriages has to be so difficult to live with. Is there anyone you can talk to about this? Your doctor? Do you think that seeking outside help (from a psychologist, for instance) would be possible? Helpful? Thinking of you, my friend. Take care.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. What’s interesting is that this time I don’t feel how I’ve always felt. I’ve been sad and feeling loss but I’ve realized that if I could choose right now to be pregnant, I would decline. I really don’t want another pregnancy/baby at this time. So, because of that, I really do think this has been hormone and stress related.
      I am actually learning/doing cognitive therapy at home to deal with all the fertility issues I’ve had! :) Ironically, as I was working through a segment a few weeks ago, I was asked what potential setbacks might I face? I answered, “get pregnant and miscarry” – yikes.

      Like

  7. I’m so sorry you’re going through this Valerie and please don’t apologise for your grief. What you’re feeling is a totally normal response to miscarriage. Your hormones will take some time to settle but I understand they don’t exactly help the natural grief process you have to work through. Don’t suppress your feelings and please continue to share your thoughts and feelings with us as it will help. I hope you have a strong support system around you that can help you. Thoughts are with you xx

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Just go easy on yourself and let your body do the work of healing itself and the rest will follow. Happy Easter to you x

        Like

  8. The hormone thing is real. I’ve been a crazy lady for the last couple weeks. Give yourself some grace! What I’ve found has been helping is to do something I enjoy doing for a little while each day. I’ll be praying for you, my friend.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I am so sorry for your loss. Your emotions and feelings are just and real and the only way over is through. Take all the time you need, you have earned the right to mourn and it should be on your timetable, no one else’s. All the best to your whole family.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I am very sorry for your loss Valerie. But its good that you spoke about it. You will feel light hearted. No amount of words will ever suffice it. But I believe you are a very strong woman and you will go through this.I wish you all the happiness in this world !

    Liked by 1 person

  11. You’re allowed to be sad about this. It was a loss even if you didn’t plan it. Hormones are part of it, sure, but the very idea of a baby even with all the physical ick that comes with pregnancy and all the work afterward tugs at us. I’m pushing 60 (hard) and every now and then I feel sad that I can never have a baby again.

    Like

  12. Miscarriage is a very tough thing. It is the loss of a life and of all the possibilities that that little life encompassed. I had two, one was a late one. I wrote about it here: https://playinwiththeplayers.wordpress.com/2017/05/06/the-loss-of-dane-age-35/
    Should you care to have a read. Warning, it is harsh toward the end. Also, I wrote about postpartum psychosis here: https://playinwiththeplayers.wordpress.com/2017/01/27/locked-up-in-d-c/ I included this link because of the content of your blog. It is a very important topic which isn’t spoken about much. If you have a chance, let me know you’re thoughts. I am sorry if it is harsh information. There is a fine line between knowing and not wanting to know. ~Blessings.

    Like

I'd love to hear your thoughts!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s