When I woke up this morning, I felt better. I can’t explain it, I just felt like my normal self again – not like a woman who is recovering from a miscarriage. I wasn’t sad like I’ve been for days. And it was today, on Good Friday, that I decided I could emotionally handle returning to my obstetrician’s office for another hCG blood test.
The first test I had on Monday, April 3rd showed my levels to be above 12,000. Two days later, that number was down to 9,000. I found out then that I definitely wasn’t pregnant and the bleeding I’d had back in March was my body miscarrying. But with the hCG levels still being high many days after the bleeding had stopped, they were concerned that my uterus had, perhaps, not expelled everything and I might need a D&C (which I didn’t want). Another blood test done in a week would give us more information. But I wasn’t ready until today. Nine days have gone by since I got the news.
Well, at any rate, we got ready this morning and headed to Dr. Moore’s office. I wasn’t sure how I’d feel when I got there but I was optimistic. I felt centered and calm…for no reason at all.
When we arrived, I left Maggie to babysit Samuel and Elizabeth in the van since it would only be a very short visit. But as I walked through the doors, I saw that the waiting room was completely full. Interestingly, it is NEVER like that. It’s usually one or two ladies, max. I talked to the receptionist for a minute and then I sat down. As I looked around the room, I saw a variety of people, three of which were visibly pregnant (and uncomfortable) women. And do you know happened? Instead of feeling sadness or envy, I felt joy. Joy!!
I am not even entirely sure why. I mean, I had the nice and funny realization that yay! I am not having to feel all those pregnant ways of feeling that these ladies obviously are, lol (good grief, I feel like I JUST went through it all even though it’s been nine month), but more than that, it felt spiritual. I had peace. Thank you, Lord!
I didn’t need an appointment to have blood work done, thankfully, and they called me back within just a few minutes. My arm was sore for a couple of hours afterward because I held Elizabeth right away afterward (stupid, never hold anything that weighs 25lbs after having blood drawn!)
So, I’m waiting for the results but they likely won’t come through until Monday. I feel good. Positive. I really do think it was the hormones that were causing such sadness, hopefully that means I will find very low numbers on the hCG test and I won’t need any further help.
Anyway, thank you so much for the supportive comments on my miscarriage post the other night. I read them all and yet I couldn’t find it in me to reply. I was terribly sad and didn’t feel like talking even though I had needed to express what I was going through. I hope you’ll understand.
*Update: Test Results (how it all ended)*